There's My Money, Bitch!
Considering my bank balance on Friday, imagine my shock when I logged onto online banking this morning and saw over $30,000 in my checking account. Now, these are the kinds of mistakes that I prefer the bank to make. Apparently they found my lost deposit over the weekend, that together with the money they replaced and another deposit I made to cover all the checks I wrote in case they didn't find my money made me rich today. It crossed my mind to go on a shopping spree this morning and feign ignorance when they finally sorted everything out, but decided that that wasn't enough money to risk a felony conviction over. As long as they found my money, that's all I care about. Fuckers.
It took Big Daddy until 11 a.m. to realize that he had eaten bad Chinese food and had food poisoning. But he flashed the bat signal and I suddenly came down with a horrible case of food poisoning and had to rush out of work unexpectedly. We rendezvoused for lunch and then made a very romantic trip to Costco for beer for his party. Around 4 p.m. I found myself bent over the side of the couch for some birthday lovin'. What? Pissy doesn't have internet for 4 days, I can say stuff like that until Thursday.
Big Daddy is in the midst of some white trash family drama. But Hot Lips has very little sympathy because she warned him against hiring relatives a long time ago. I'm waiting for the Jerry Springer show to call. Whatev, I'll jump on stage and get my shirt torn and weave pulled out for my boo.
Tomorrow we can talk about the bizzaro guest list for Big Daddy's birthday celebration.
Like, omigod, could I have said Big Daddy any more in this blog entry?
It took Big Daddy until 11 a.m. to realize that he had eaten bad Chinese food and had food poisoning. But he flashed the bat signal and I suddenly came down with a horrible case of food poisoning and had to rush out of work unexpectedly. We rendezvoused for lunch and then made a very romantic trip to Costco for beer for his party. Around 4 p.m. I found myself bent over the side of the couch for some birthday lovin'. What? Pissy doesn't have internet for 4 days, I can say stuff like that until Thursday.
Big Daddy is in the midst of some white trash family drama. But Hot Lips has very little sympathy because she warned him against hiring relatives a long time ago. I'm waiting for the Jerry Springer show to call. Whatev, I'll jump on stage and get my shirt torn and weave pulled out for my boo.
Tomorrow we can talk about the bizzaro guest list for Big Daddy's birthday celebration.
Like, omigod, could I have said Big Daddy any more in this blog entry?
@ 9:26 PM
3 Comments:
OK, I am all, like, on bended knee and holding this friggin ginormous, hot lips-worthy rock, you know, doing the thing...
And she's all like, arching her eyebrow and lookin' at me like I am some scrub, on the passenger side.
And I'm all like please baby please baby, baby baby please.
And she's all like, my cootchie remains in a Gucci name.
And I'm all like whipping out portfolio statements to show her I am legit.
And she's got one hand on her hip and the other wagging a finger at me, you know, like Uh-uh, no you di-in't.
Le Sigh.
I guess we ain't gonna have a big wedding on a beach in Maui, because she's all like, you're just gonna wanna go surfing right after.
And I was all like, no baby, I'm gonna, like, lick your toes and do the champagne hot tub suite knockin boots bustin' the headboard thing, THEN I'm gonna go surfing while you get your nails done and your hair did or something.
And she's like, EXACTLY. That's why this ain't gonna happen.
Damn, girl.
Damn.
Shit is cold.
Holy shit. You sure know how to wear a girl down. I tell you what, you wear the dress and you've got a deal.
Too bad your money didn't make it's way in MY bank account.
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