Clos!ng The God Damn Door
S'up Fuckers?
Remember how last night I was all whiny and sick? Well, I'm not anymore. It is a miracle, damn it. As soon as I felt the yuckies creeping in, I started pumping myself full of Cold Eeze and Vitamin C and I'll be damned if I don't feel like I could arm wrestle Tucker Carlson to victory. Yay me! Now, I'm not sick, just whiny.
So I got a little overzealous trimming my snicerdoodle this morning. And I'll be damned if I' didn't end up Telly Savalas twat. Ironically, I haven't shaved my legs for 4 days. Big Daddy said today, Um, honey, are you growing your winter coat? Little does he know.
So the newhire fire's replacement is a 22 year old college student. She's only going to be working for me part time for now. That's fine, who cares. But here is the thing, she is absolutely the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. She looks like a super model. I'm not exaggerating. She's about 5'10, 115 lbs and the most gorgeous face. I met her boyfriend the other day, he came to pick her up in his new Mercedes (he, too, is 22) and he looks like an underwear model. He's Australian. If they aren't the most beautiful couple, I don't know who is. I would like to point out, however, that me hiring her is a testament to my security in my own astonishing beauty. But God damn, some people have all the luck.
Speaking of God Damn, that reminds me...So I only listen to satellite radio these days. But today for some reason I was listening to regular radio. That song was on, I don't know what it is called, by Pan!c at the Disco and I'm singing along because that's one of the things that gives me joy in life, to sing along to the radio. And I'm singing to the chorus something about Closing the God Damned Door, only they bleeped part of it out. At first I'm a little taken aback because I'm so spoiled from listening to Satellite for the last year that I'm not used to my music being bleeped out anymore. But then I hear the chorus again and I realize that they are not bleeping out Damn, they are bleeping out God. What the fuck? So you can say damn, and really why couldn't you, and I'm sure you can say God, but why can't you say God Damn? What's the world coming to? Fucking Christians. (sorry Sunny, but you've got to get your people in check, fo reals)
I would like some props for three updates in one day. Can I get a what what?
Remember how last night I was all whiny and sick? Well, I'm not anymore. It is a miracle, damn it. As soon as I felt the yuckies creeping in, I started pumping myself full of Cold Eeze and Vitamin C and I'll be damned if I don't feel like I could arm wrestle Tucker Carlson to victory. Yay me! Now, I'm not sick, just whiny.
So I got a little overzealous trimming my snicerdoodle this morning. And I'll be damned if I' didn't end up Telly Savalas twat. Ironically, I haven't shaved my legs for 4 days. Big Daddy said today, Um, honey, are you growing your winter coat? Little does he know.
So the new
Speaking of God Damn, that reminds me...So I only listen to satellite radio these days. But today for some reason I was listening to regular radio. That song was on, I don't know what it is called, by Pan!c at the Disco and I'm singing along because that's one of the things that gives me joy in life, to sing along to the radio. And I'm singing to the chorus something about Closing the God Damned Door, only they bleeped part of it out. At first I'm a little taken aback because I'm so spoiled from listening to Satellite for the last year that I'm not used to my music being bleeped out anymore. But then I hear the chorus again and I realize that they are not bleeping out Damn, they are bleeping out God. What the fuck? So you can say damn, and really why couldn't you, and I'm sure you can say God, but why can't you say God Damn? What's the world coming to? Fucking Christians. (sorry Sunny, but you've got to get your people in check, fo reals)
I would like some props for three updates in one day. Can I get a what what?
@ 8:25 PM
7 Comments:
What What!! there you have it.
Yup it's true, Hot Lips is back...
God bless Sirius Satellite Radio and your shaved twat.
Like Va-jay-jay said~ "What What!"
Glad you're back!
Sirius Satellite Radio. What a great name.
You really sound pumped up on whatever medication you were taking.
Re. closed doors, was the door closed or open while you were taking care of that business you mentioned. I can't even type it.
Could you give us a word-for-word account of how you fired the previous new hire? Just curious how HotLipz fires somebody. I've never done that. Of course, I've never had anyone work for me.
Omigod. My crazy mother poisoned me and now I'm dying.
What the heck? How did she poison you?
Veggies hidden in an otherwise "normal" meal?
No poisoning jokes...
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