Happy ADHD Awareness Day
S'up fuckers?
So the dog whisperer came back on Tuesday to give me a little follow-up dog training session and she ended up leaving with that naughty little KiKi. I guess she'll be back in a week. That is if I don't pack up and slip away under the cover of night. Whose fucking bright idea was it to get two filthy little puppies again? Thank God they are cute as balls, because that's all they have going for them. But it is back to being me and Coco and that's really for the best.
So I have this British neighbor that I'm becoming friendly with. I ran into her this morning as I was out being a responsible dog owner and taking CoCo for a walk. I mentioned that I had the morning free and she responded (read this in your most charming Mary Poppins English accent) Would you like to come around and take a coffee? And I replied, Word up, bitch, and went around and took a coffee. I learned that British don't take out the trash, they chuck the rubbish and about a thousand other little charming sayings that I don't remember right now. Next time I'll take a note pad.
As charming as I found her, I'm 89.6% certain that she drugged my coffee. By the time I got home I could barely stand. I've never felt so strange before. My mind was racing, my head was aching and my body was shaking. Of course that could be due to the Parkinsons. Apparently I don't do spiked European coffee well.
Which reminds me of a joke. If you are American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom?
European!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
I rode with Big Daddy up to the store this evening and took Baby with us. Baby and I sat in the car while BD ran in the store. A cute little girl about 2 and a half years old came out of the store with her mother and kept staring and pointing at Baby. So in a very unHotLipslike move, I rolled down the window and said, Would you like to pet her? Strange, I know. So this little tiny girl came over to my car and stood there staring at Baby and said, Why is see sivvering? So cute. And I had a little 2 year old conversation with her the best I could. Her mother said, Ava, hurry up and pet the doggy, honey, so the nice lady can go. And I thought, hmmmm nice lady, now that's something I've never been called before. I can't say I liked it. It made me feel vunerable.
So the dog whisperer came back on Tuesday to give me a little follow-up dog training session and she ended up leaving with that naughty little KiKi. I guess she'll be back in a week. That is if I don't pack up and slip away under the cover of night. Whose fucking bright idea was it to get two filthy little puppies again? Thank God they are cute as balls, because that's all they have going for them. But it is back to being me and Coco and that's really for the best.
So I have this British neighbor that I'm becoming friendly with. I ran into her this morning as I was out being a responsible dog owner and taking CoCo for a walk. I mentioned that I had the morning free and she responded (read this in your most charming Mary Poppins English accent) Would you like to come around and take a coffee? And I replied, Word up, bitch, and went around and took a coffee. I learned that British don't take out the trash, they chuck the rubbish and about a thousand other little charming sayings that I don't remember right now. Next time I'll take a note pad.
As charming as I found her, I'm 89.6% certain that she drugged my coffee. By the time I got home I could barely stand. I've never felt so strange before. My mind was racing, my head was aching and my body was shaking. Of course that could be due to the Parkinsons. Apparently I don't do spiked European coffee well.
Which reminds me of a joke. If you are American when you go in the bathroom and American when you come out, what are you when you are in the bathroom?
European!
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
I rode with Big Daddy up to the store this evening and took Baby with us. Baby and I sat in the car while BD ran in the store. A cute little girl about 2 and a half years old came out of the store with her mother and kept staring and pointing at Baby. So in a very unHotLipslike move, I rolled down the window and said, Would you like to pet her? Strange, I know. So this little tiny girl came over to my car and stood there staring at Baby and said, Why is see sivvering? So cute. And I had a little 2 year old conversation with her the best I could. Her mother said, Ava, hurry up and pet the doggy, honey, so the nice lady can go. And I thought, hmmmm nice lady, now that's something I've never been called before. I can't say I liked it. It made me feel vunerable.
@ 7:54 PM
7 Comments:
went around and took a coffee!!!!!!!!
omg, thats the funniest i have heard in a long time
in Britain, fanny is childs slang for a girl's naughty bits
She didn't mean it when she said you were a "nice lady".
She just wanted her kid to go with her so they could go home....or to Target or whatever.
How does Baby like Coco?
Your blog is so fancy now - I feel like I have to take my shoes off before entering.
Did you take the piss out of anyone?
I knew some limeys in college.
I thought their finest feature was the unabashed and frequent usage of the word "cunt."
Except, to them, "cunt" doesn't have the same connotations.
They use it like we use the word "dude."
Awesome.
P.S. They used "fanny" when describing a cooter.
P.P.S. Tally: 2 "cunts," 1 "fanny," 1 "cooter." Again, awesome.
cooter=cookie when speaking of a lady
My guess is she probably clipped the "a" on "around" so it was just "'round" ... just sayin'
I used to live in England for a while. I love how British English can be modulated from aristocratic to Cockney in the same sentence with funny results ... and how word puns are so frequently used.
Remember the "r" thing I told you about ... I'll bore your readers and repeat it here: The plural "r" -- r's -- sounds like "arse" (word for "ass"). In an episode of Are You Being Served, Mr. Humphreys (the gay store clerk) is trying to help a guy buy a "laincoat" (raincoat) and Captain Peacock says:
"Mr. Humphreys, this gentleman is from the Orient and he has trouble getting his tongue 'round his r's. (said as "arse").
Mr. Humphreys: I would've thought it was just a matter of practice.
Ha ha
Who/what is Baby?
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