OMIGOD
Today consisted of a flat tire in the middle of a torrential downpour and subsequent hitching of rides with semi strangers. Not stranger strangers, but totally random I hardly know you but I'm desperate strangers. Poor, poor me.
Unfortunately my car hook up is in Texas and wasn't immediately available to assist me in my time of need. Fortunately, I do have a hook up at all, which is more than a lot could say, so a new car is being delivered to me in approximately an hour.
Speaking of my hook up, he sent me flowers again, this all the way from another state, totaling twice in two weeks. That's how bad things are.
I'm just so fucking busy that even when I don't have something to do, my head is still spinning from the 9,000 things I just got done doing and my brain is mush and I just sit around in a zombie-like state instead of updating my blog like I should.
If it is any consolation, I talk to you guys every morning in my shower. My lips don't actually move, but that's the only time of day that I have a fresh brain and thus, any kind of brain function and I think of all things that I need and want to tell you. And then I exit the shower and get dressed and leave for the day and all my big posting plans are out the window.
The puppies are back. One is a lovable, sweet, cuddly, perfectly behaved, well-trained angel. And the other one is the exact opposite of all of those aforementioned words. Coco rings a bell when she wants to go outside and use the bathroom, is eager to please, and is quick to perform all sorts of commands, while Kiki just blankly stares at you while she shits in her crate and then lays in it. So as soon as I get a free minute, I'm boxing that bitch up and shipping her to Pissy. Consider it a housewarming gift.
I need a personal assistant. Apply within.
Unfortunately my car hook up is in Texas and wasn't immediately available to assist me in my time of need. Fortunately, I do have a hook up at all, which is more than a lot could say, so a new car is being delivered to me in approximately an hour.
Speaking of my hook up, he sent me flowers again, this all the way from another state, totaling twice in two weeks. That's how bad things are.
I'm just so fucking busy that even when I don't have something to do, my head is still spinning from the 9,000 things I just got done doing and my brain is mush and I just sit around in a zombie-like state instead of updating my blog like I should.
If it is any consolation, I talk to you guys every morning in my shower. My lips don't actually move, but that's the only time of day that I have a fresh brain and thus, any kind of brain function and I think of all things that I need and want to tell you. And then I exit the shower and get dressed and leave for the day and all my big posting plans are out the window.
The puppies are back. One is a lovable, sweet, cuddly, perfectly behaved, well-trained angel. And the other one is the exact opposite of all of those aforementioned words. Coco rings a bell when she wants to go outside and use the bathroom, is eager to please, and is quick to perform all sorts of commands, while Kiki just blankly stares at you while she shits in her crate and then lays in it. So as soon as I get a free minute, I'm boxing that bitch up and shipping her to Pissy. Consider it a housewarming gift.
I need a personal assistant. Apply within.
@ 4:00 PM
3 Comments:
You're sending me an obedience school drop-out puppy as a housewarming gift?
You are too kind.
I want the job of your personal assistant.
My hair guy is very impressed with me as his assistant, and I only work 2 afternoons a week for him.
I could work the other 3 for you.
#1. If I get the job, do I get to live in a little cabana out by the pool?
#2. I don't do windows. Or really clean anything.
#3. No, I don't do anal.
#4. I am fairly certain that I will not shit on the floor and roll around in it.
What more could you possibly want?
Pissy, I'm afraid that the travel costs would kill me. You would have to make the move.
You too, Joe.
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