The End of An Era

Wrong
Right

So I got the call. I should have known better than not to screen phone calls. Apparently one of the puppies is ready to come home. It seems a little early to me, but I'm not the dog whisperer, so what do I know. I do know that the bitch better be on her best behavior. And somehow it has turned out it is the cute dumb one. The ugly smart one must be too smart for her own good because she has to stay until Monday. There is a 83% chance that after I get the cute easily-trained one home, I'll just never show up to pick the other one up and have my phone number changed. I'm brilliant.

I had a good weekend despite not being entertained every moment. I had nary a party and attended no social events. I pretty much spent my three-day weekend shopping my arse off and organizing my house...compulsively...like a crazed lunatic. I like everything to look pretty at all times, that's no secret. But I'm afraid that I might be on the edge of developing a full fledged compulsion. At one point I had BD helping me make the bed and he insisted that the quilt go one way on the bed because of the location of the tag, which makes perfect sense. But this way made the flower petals on the quilt seem upside down and I actually felt my heart racing and a little cold sweat start to break out at the idea of my birds of paradise not facing the optimal direction. And then there is the fact that I have hired Dee's cousin for $50 a week to come everyday and vacuum my house, for no other reason than to never be without the vacuum lines in my carpet. I should seek therapy, shouldn't I? I'm not even trying to be cute. I really think I might be knocking on disorder's door.


I'm totally over being Dee's neighbor already. Every time I avoid one of her calls, which happens approximately 5 times per day, I live in fear of her showing up at my doorstep 3 seconds later with an obnoxious I Knew You Were Home! Every time I hear the phone ring I feel compelled to run and lock all my doors and close all my blinds and crouch in the corner. I'm going to have to sell my house and move. That's all there is to it.