Sunday, January 13, 2008

My Eagles Are Wetter Than Your Eagles

I've very slowly and miserably been dying of pneumonia for the past several weeks. That pneumonia was very officially diagnosed by Dr. Hot Lipz. So this week I finally went to the doctor, the dermatologist. I have great skin actually, texture wise that is, but lately I've been cursed with this weird and horrible blotchy uneven skin tone. So I finally broke down and made a dermatologist appointment and then waited the 9 months until they could finally fit me in. Oddly, the dermatologist prescribed me a low dose antibiotic and said that sometimes that helps with uneven skin tone. I know, that doesn't make any sense to me either, but who am I to argue with a skincare professional? Initially I thought, Wow, this is great, I'll have flawless, even skin and get rid of my lung-plaguing pneumonia all with one copay and prescription. But that was almost a week ago, and I think my pneumonia is getting worse. I think I have just strengthened it with this bullshit skin antibiotic. So if you never hear from me again, I've succumbed to the mutated, drug-resistant, self-created lung infection. It was nice knowin' ya.

I'm currently in the process of hiring a new cleaning lady. Not a day goes by that I don't receive some poorly-punctuated flyer for a new cleaning service in my paper box. So the interview process could go on indefinitely, but I think I am just going to have to take the plunge and make a decision here in the next couple of days. So far I have it narrowed down to two. It is either going to be the two Brazilian girls who are built like brick shithouses who showed up to give me an estimate in 9 inch platform shoes and micro mini skirts and don't speak a word of English. Or it is going to be the very American (it says so on the bumper sticker on the back of her '98 Dodge Ram) redneck woman with an ass like a bag of marshmallows who is overpriced, but English is her first language. The Brazilian bombshells are a good $40 a week less than Rhonda the Redneck, which equates to $160 a month, and hell I could have a Kia for that amount of money every month. But I think being able to communicate with my house staff is really fairly important for a number of reasons. $160 a month could seem like chump change when the Brazilian bombshells fuck everything in the house because they don't understand my directions or can't read the labels on the cleaning products. But one of them did have an ass that was giving me impure thoughts as I was walking up the steps behind her. Decisions, decisions.

I hope you all had great holidays and 2008 is looking bright for all of yous. I'm going to try harder to be a better blogger in the coming months.