I've Become One Of Those People

So I'm almost certain that I reached the pinnacle of crazy, nosey, boring, pathetic old ladydom on Friday night. I had that realization around 10:00 p.m. when I was not only home, but crouched in a dark room with the window cracked straining to hear the goings on at the party next door being thrown by my 16-year-old neighbor.

A wise person once told me that life is just a series of high highs and low lows and well, I guess you can guess which one I have labeled Friday night.

My neighbors to the left are very nice people. They are friendly enough and always wave and speak if we find ourselves outside together, but otherwise they mind their own business. And that's the sort of thing that I really appreciate. They are very religious and have a handful of kids, the oldest of which is in charge of babysitting all the younger ones most of the time while the parents are out working long shifts.

It is a beautiful day on Friday. It really capped off a lovely week of beautiful, sunny days in the '70s. It was quite a way to start out December, I'm telling you. So anyway, I'm enjoying gorgeous, mild temperatures Friday evening and decide to open my windows for what I'm sure will be the last time this year. I'm minding my own business trying very hard to enjoy Season 1 of Da Ali G show, but I keep getting distracted. I'm hearing voices. Unlike the other voices I routinely hear, I'm convinced that these are actually real and not just in my head so I go and investigate. Sure enough, I deduce that the religious teenager next door is having a party. And I am fairly certain that this wasn't an adult-supervised, parentally-sanctioned party by the fact that all the cars were parked about four houses down the street, all the lights were off including the HOA mandated street lamp, and all the rowdy teens were ushered into the backyard.

My curiosity is strangely piqued by this because this family is so religious and every time I see this poor girl she is strapped down by a gaggle of younger siblings and I decide to do some further investigations. And by do further investigations I mean slither on my belly over to the window in my upstairs game room because I have decided this will give me the best vantage point to the backyard and cracking the window ever so slightly so that I can eavesdrop on what's going on. I then proceed to sit in a pitch black room spying on a yard full of high schoolers for half an hour. Although they were being very loud, I couldn't really make out what anyone was saying unless they came around to the front of the house, which usually meant they were leaving (I did hear a group of guys bitching as they were leaving because, and I quote, All the girls want to do is talk, and I didn't come here to talk.) After a while I threw in the towel and went back to finish Ali G (which made my laugh harder than anything has in the last 2 to 3 years).

Because I'm lame, by 11 o'clock I shut all the windows, turned off the tv and computer, unplugged all outdoor Christmas lights (because Hot Lips can decorate for the holidays like no one's business) and headed to bed.

So imagine my surprise the next day as I'm pulling out of my driveway and I notice that my family of light up Christmas reindeer have all been positioned in compromising sexual positions.

Fucking teenagers.