It's June, God Damn It
There is a lizard living in my garage and it is pretty much ruining my life. I don't do lizards. I really don't do anything except for humans and cute little puppies. And by do I don't mean fuck, I mean, not scared to death of.
I'm thinking of taking up cake decorating as a hobby. I thought it only makes sense since right now my only hobby is cupcakes. Eating not baking.
I need someone to please explain to me Bok Choy Scissorhands' insistence on doing very noisy early morning yard work. If there is something with a loud motor that can be used on the exterior of one's home, ie a lawn mower, weed trimmer, pressure washer, there is an 85% chance that Bok Choy can be found using it outside of my bedroom window around 7 a.m. any day of the week. I wish he would get mono or something.
I've been insisting that the pool be shocked after every time a kid is in it. At first Big Daddy was accommodating, but lately I think he's ready to shock me instead. But children are filthy little varmits and I know that they are sneezing and pissing and snotting all over my beautiful pristine pool and the thought of that makes me want to peel my skin off. The only thing that settles me down a little bit is the thought of high chlorine levels.
Yesterday I went to Dee's house. Despite the fact that she only lives half a mile away, I hadn't been there in months. Apparently she has recently purchased one of those big, huge trampolines with the nets around them and put it in her garage. Now it has become the neighborhood hangout. When I got there, there were about a dozen kids ranging in ages from 3 to 13 rabidly hopping around, screaming, fighting, pouncing and bouncing in that thing while all the mothers sat out in the driveway smoking cigarettes and yapping. After about 3 minutes of all that noise echoing through the garage and into my ears I could feel my ears start to bleed. I said, Can't we put the garage door down? And all the mothers turned and looked at me like I had just confessed to molestation or something. So I just finished my cupcake and left. When I got home I felt like I had just gotten out of loud, shitty concert or off one of those roller coasters where they blare loud rock music the whole time. I'm totally autistic when it comes to noise.
And finally, I've decided soon, very soon, I'll get off my lazy ass and start a new blog. We need a fresh start. Yes, that's what I need to post more.
I'm thinking of taking up cake decorating as a hobby. I thought it only makes sense since right now my only hobby is cupcakes. Eating not baking.
I need someone to please explain to me Bok Choy Scissorhands' insistence on doing very noisy early morning yard work. If there is something with a loud motor that can be used on the exterior of one's home, ie a lawn mower, weed trimmer, pressure washer, there is an 85% chance that Bok Choy can be found using it outside of my bedroom window around 7 a.m. any day of the week. I wish he would get mono or something.
I've been insisting that the pool be shocked after every time a kid is in it. At first Big Daddy was accommodating, but lately I think he's ready to shock me instead. But children are filthy little varmits and I know that they are sneezing and pissing and snotting all over my beautiful pristine pool and the thought of that makes me want to peel my skin off. The only thing that settles me down a little bit is the thought of high chlorine levels.
Yesterday I went to Dee's house. Despite the fact that she only lives half a mile away, I hadn't been there in months. Apparently she has recently purchased one of those big, huge trampolines with the nets around them and put it in her garage. Now it has become the neighborhood hangout. When I got there, there were about a dozen kids ranging in ages from 3 to 13 rabidly hopping around, screaming, fighting, pouncing and bouncing in that thing while all the mothers sat out in the driveway smoking cigarettes and yapping. After about 3 minutes of all that noise echoing through the garage and into my ears I could feel my ears start to bleed. I said, Can't we put the garage door down? And all the mothers turned and looked at me like I had just confessed to molestation or something. So I just finished my cupcake and left. When I got home I felt like I had just gotten out of loud, shitty concert or off one of those roller coasters where they blare loud rock music the whole time. I'm totally autistic when it comes to noise.
And finally, I've decided soon, very soon, I'll get off my lazy ass and start a new blog. We need a fresh start. Yes, that's what I need to post more.
@ 11:24 AM
5 Comments:
What ever it takes to get you to post more.
I miss your snark.
I said snark.
Not snatch.
Let's just be clear on that.
Just remember that urine is sterile. That should help at least a little with the pool thing. Ew.
Have you started that new blog yet? Is it by-invitation only? Am I invited??
Maybe Bok Choy's real name is Chop Suey Scissorhands ...
Uh, oh ... someone is starting to get cranky around children... I got that way YEARS ago, but then again, I'm YEARS older than you.
Dear Hot Lipz:
Do you plan on ever posting again?
Signed,
Just Wondering
Big Pissy -- She's being difficult, that's all ... probably wasn't able to buy that new pair of shoes she saw at the mall two weeks ago and is taking it out on us!
(Just kidding, HotLipz.)
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