Horse Power
The other day Big Daddy brought me an Ipod Shuffle. It is tiny and pink and clips onto my shirt. Sadly, the Shuffle has more than enough room for the 150 songs I have on itunes. So there is that.
Please excuse my absence. I've been incarcerated for the last 15 days. I was supposed to do 20 to life, but with good behavior and the terrible problem of jail overcrowding, I got out in just over two weeks. Which is too bad, because if anyone is cut out for a maximum security women's prison, it's me. C'est la vie, I guess.
True Story. Yesterday while driving down the highway at speeds upwards of 62 miles an hour, I began to pass an early '90s Dodge Caravan. As I approached the vehicle from behind I could see something in the passenger seat that was nonhuman, a Golden Retriever I decided. Nay (excuse the pun). As I got closer I saw that it was a not of the canine species at all but a HORSE! A tiny little pony, but a horse nonetheless was riding shot gun in that minivan. Nice. And I thought to myself, Self, if anything brings you out of your self imposed blogging disappearing act, this is it.
I had to take a personal day off from work yesterday and somehow found myself bobbing around my pool solo in a noodle chair. I must have dozed off for a second, but I was soon awakened by the loud slamming of the backyard gate. When I threw my eyes opened I was shocked to find a man standing at the end of the pool watching me. I almost shat my tankini bottoms. It turns out it was the creepy pooper scooper. And the thought crossed my mind, Too bad he's not hot because I think it would be totally fun and B movie to lead his ass inside and fuck him real quick right about now. Luckily (?) he wasn't fuckable.
And I think it is this line of thinking like a man that got me invited to a bachelor party Saturday night. Of course I would be the only woman there, well, that will have her clothes on, well, that will have her clothes on at least until midnight. So yeah, dirty old man, that's me.
And now, because my life doesn't suck, I'm going to go smoke a bowl and bop around in my noodle chair for the next 2 to 3 hours.
Please excuse my absence. I've been incarcerated for the last 15 days. I was supposed to do 20 to life, but with good behavior and the terrible problem of jail overcrowding, I got out in just over two weeks. Which is too bad, because if anyone is cut out for a maximum security women's prison, it's me. C'est la vie, I guess.
True Story. Yesterday while driving down the highway at speeds upwards of 62 miles an hour, I began to pass an early '90s Dodge Caravan. As I approached the vehicle from behind I could see something in the passenger seat that was nonhuman, a Golden Retriever I decided. Nay (excuse the pun). As I got closer I saw that it was a not of the canine species at all but a HORSE! A tiny little pony, but a horse nonetheless was riding shot gun in that minivan. Nice. And I thought to myself, Self, if anything brings you out of your self imposed blogging disappearing act, this is it.
I had to take a personal day off from work yesterday and somehow found myself bobbing around my pool solo in a noodle chair. I must have dozed off for a second, but I was soon awakened by the loud slamming of the backyard gate. When I threw my eyes opened I was shocked to find a man standing at the end of the pool watching me. I almost shat my tankini bottoms. It turns out it was the creepy pooper scooper. And the thought crossed my mind, Too bad he's not hot because I think it would be totally fun and B movie to lead his ass inside and fuck him real quick right about now. Luckily (?) he wasn't fuckable.
And I think it is this line of thinking like a man that got me invited to a bachelor party Saturday night. Of course I would be the only woman there, well, that will have her clothes on, well, that will have her clothes on at least until midnight. So yeah, dirty old man, that's me.
And now, because my life doesn't suck, I'm going to go smoke a bowl and bop around in my noodle chair for the next 2 to 3 hours.
@ 10:21 AM
3 Comments:
A pony was riding shotgun in a Dodge Caravan? Are you sure it was a pony? That seems rather incredible, not to mention it probably violates some driving regulation.
"I'm going to go smoke a bowl and bop around in my noodle chair..."
I hear Queen Elizabeth II does the same thing when she's chillin' at Sandringham.
Imagine you and Paris Hilton locked up in the very same slammer...together.
Sounds like you're enjoying your Roman shaped pool - or is it only half Roman? How is that jacuzzi loveseat working out? Can you orgasm from the jets? Do you? If so, please provide details :)
Now that's something we should have a picture of....the pony in the Dodge...not you and the pooper scooper guy.
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