Stop The Insanity
The good news: After only four consecutive days hitting the gym first thing in the morning and eating an apple for lunch, my butt already feels higher. This is good for two reasons. 1) Hopefully it will save me about 10 grand and I'll get to forego that Brazilian Butt Lift that I have convinced myself has become life or death surgery. And 2) at this rate, I'll be ready for that triathlon much sooner than I thought. 2009 instead of 2011, perhaps?
The bad news: I've been suffering from a bad hair day since approximately mid March. This is uncharted territory for me because as I've documented here before, I've got great hair. But a couple of bad choices while sitting in the chair at the salon, and now I'm paying the price. Now you have new insight into my sudden contemplation of going Susan Powter. Because one bad hair choice begets another.
Jesus help me.
My house smells like rotten oranges. This is very perplexing considering the vast amounts of fragrant lilies I have stashed in every corner of the house.
And while I'm busy bitching about my house, the barking dog situation around here has finally pushed me over the edge and driven me to call a Realtor. Or maybe I should just call a canine hit man. But seriously, something's gotta give. On my best day, my sanity is just hanging in there by a thread. When you mix in 5 incessantly barking, howling, yipping dogs, I pretty much end up rocking myself in the corner drooling and talking to Jerry Orbach. (God I miss you, Lenny Briscoe)
I can't complain to the neighbors because for one, I'm a great big pussy when it comes to such things. And for another, I'm somewhat of a hypocrite. I have a big bumbling clumsy puppy that spends a large amount of time out in the backyard. As a matter of fact, I think that's what the three yippers next door are barking at all day. Weather permitting, I throw her out in the backyard while we're at work during the day. It is either that or she sits in her crate in the house all day. God knows she's nowhere near well-behaved enough to run free in the house while no one is home. But here's the thing, she doesn't bark. I swear. She just isn't a barker, I'm not even sure she knows how. I know half of you don't believe me, but trust me, the bitch doesn't bark. So even though she may be the object of the barking, she isn't the actual barker.
So I came up with a plan to send her off to doggie daycare for a month or so, just long enough to establish a pattern of her not being here during the day. Then I could finally send Big Daddy next door to complain without looking like a total hypocrite. That's when I found out that doggy daycare is $25 a day! That's $125 a week! $500 a month! Da fuck? They aren't taking care of a newborn, it's a fucking dog. I could have a convertible for that price. That's when I decided it is probably just cheaper to move.
The bad news: I've been suffering from a bad hair day since approximately mid March. This is uncharted territory for me because as I've documented here before, I've got great hair. But a couple of bad choices while sitting in the chair at the salon, and now I'm paying the price. Now you have new insight into my sudden contemplation of going Susan Powter. Because one bad hair choice begets another.
Jesus help me.
My house smells like rotten oranges. This is very perplexing considering the vast amounts of fragrant lilies I have stashed in every corner of the house.
And while I'm busy bitching about my house, the barking dog situation around here has finally pushed me over the edge and driven me to call a Realtor. Or maybe I should just call a canine hit man. But seriously, something's gotta give. On my best day, my sanity is just hanging in there by a thread. When you mix in 5 incessantly barking, howling, yipping dogs, I pretty much end up rocking myself in the corner drooling and talking to Jerry Orbach. (God I miss you, Lenny Briscoe)
I can't complain to the neighbors because for one, I'm a great big pussy when it comes to such things. And for another, I'm somewhat of a hypocrite. I have a big bumbling clumsy puppy that spends a large amount of time out in the backyard. As a matter of fact, I think that's what the three yippers next door are barking at all day. Weather permitting, I throw her out in the backyard while we're at work during the day. It is either that or she sits in her crate in the house all day. God knows she's nowhere near well-behaved enough to run free in the house while no one is home. But here's the thing, she doesn't bark. I swear. She just isn't a barker, I'm not even sure she knows how. I know half of you don't believe me, but trust me, the bitch doesn't bark. So even though she may be the object of the barking, she isn't the actual barker.
So I came up with a plan to send her off to doggie daycare for a month or so, just long enough to establish a pattern of her not being here during the day. Then I could finally send Big Daddy next door to complain without looking like a total hypocrite. That's when I found out that doggy daycare is $25 a day! That's $125 a week! $500 a month! Da fuck? They aren't taking care of a newborn, it's a fucking dog. I could have a convertible for that price. That's when I decided it is probably just cheaper to move.
@ 8:57 AM
4 Comments:
How can you insure that your next home will be bark-proof?
MCM, I can't. But that's not the point.
BP, I really could use your talents right now.
You have a puppy that you've never posted a picture of??
Re. the neighbhor's barking dog, isn't that a public nuisance thing? Surely there must be a county government entity that deals with that situation.
As it is, I sleep with an electric fan on that tends to drown out other noises.
Thank you for commenting on my blog. My readership is crashing toward zero and I'm thinking maybe I should delete the whole fucking thing. It's too distracting. It was nothing more than an extension of the Mr. S. obsession, anyway, at least at first.
T-bone marinated in rat poisoning... maybe $20 bucks tops?!
MUCH cheaper than moving.
Ha ha
And don't look at me like that. I rememeber your damn sadistic snake post!!! You're not above it. You culd even serve it on a cute little plate left over from your last theme party.
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