One Time At Band Camp

If I don't know you that well then I'm generally a pretty nice person. I try to use my manners and be polite and considerate to those that I come in contact with in my day to day life. I am always conscious to use my pleases and thank yous. But listen up people, if I tell you thank you then you better god damn believe that I expect a you're welcome in return. Apparently saying you're welcome is a lost art. And since when is Uh-huh in response to a thank you a suitable replacement for you're welcome? What the fuck?! And look, if you are serving me at a drive thru window and I have the decency to be treating you like a god damned foreign dignitary then the least you can do is speak. I don't know how many times I've been at a drive thru or a convenience store or some such thing being just as polite and friendly as I can be throwing around my yes, ma'ams and please sirs and the motherfucker helping me doesn't even open his mouth to say a word. Thank God for the digital readout on the cash register because these fuckheads don't even bother parting their precious lips to inform me of my total. And one more cottonpickin thing. If I am nice enough to linger in a doorway for an extra few seconds expending my energy and time to hold a door open for you, then by God I expect a thank you. And if I am kind enough to let you out in traffic, then I expect a wave of acknowledgment and appreciation. None of this seems that hard, people. Get it together.

Sheesh.

And while I'm at it, please ladies, no more fake ponytails. You aren't fooling anybody.

Since NWG is always ranting about them, I decided to try a pomegranite martini tonight with dinner. It was good so I ordered another and another. They got me just drunk enough to where I decided to exclaim to Big Daddy, You know, I wish I had gotten the Hypnotiq martini instead. That comes with a cool glow stick. You know what I want to do with that glow stick don't you?!?!

Of course Big Daddy knew exactly where I was headed with this and he quickly tried to change the subject, but I was tipsy and relentless.

I want to stick one of those glow sticks up my pussy. Wouldn't that be cool to see my Sweet Tart glowing in the dark?

Big Daddy = mortified.

About that time my waitress with the fake ponytail arrived with my Hypnotiq martini.