Dear Parents:
Because you spawned them, because they share your DNA, because you pretty much have to, you think your kids and all of their actions are just adorable.
The rest of the world, not so much.
I don't care that little Johnny is only 4 years old. It is time for him to start learning some manners. And no, he doesn't get a pass for being an obnoxious little pain in the ass brat just because he's a preschooler and you think I think he's cute.
You see, I'm polite and so I try to go with the flow when your little terror is climbing me like a jungle gym or interrupting my adult conversation with their whiny nonsense. But you, as a parent, aren't being polite by allowing it to happen. I know it is in good form to try with all my might to ignore her and throw out a sheepish grin while Baby Amber rummages through my purse uninvited looking for gum and when she finds my cell phone instead, opens it and slams it shut incessantly while I'm just trying to have peaceful adult conversation with her mother. But it is not in good form for you, as her mother, not to grab her by her grubby little arm and get her away from me.
What ever happened to children are to be seen and not heard?
And seriously, when did five-year olds start running the world??
I don't know how many times in the past couple of weeks I've had some little kid come up to me and start pecking me with their forefinger right in the middle of my stomach to get my attention while I'm mid sentence having a real conversation with an adult. And I really just have to wonder why the parents are just standing there watching while I stop what I am doing to attend to their ill-mannered little varmint, instead of taking this opportunity to explain to Little Emili why it is rude to interrupt adults (or really anyone for that matter) and make sure they don't do it again. I mean, for real people, if Emili is old enough to interrupt me then she's old enough to learn that it is rude and not to do it. And if not now, when?
And another thing, if you don't have the intestinal fortitude and sticktoitiveness to tell a three-year old no and actually mean it and follow through with it, then please, do the universe a favor and don't have any more kids. The world is overpopulated enough as it is. Have you guys ever seen an episode of SuperNanny or Nanny 911 and noticed that these families have vast amounts of children, one being even more out of control and horrific than the next? I mean, when your first kid is too much for you to handle and you feel defeated and tired and hopeless and your marriage is in trouble because your kid is running the house, which part of your brain tells you the best thing you can do in that situation is to have at least three more??
What the fuck, People?!!??
Perhaps because it is summer and the kids are out of school and it is cook out, pool party, social gathering season, I have been spending more and more time around friends', neighbors', acquaintances' children lately. And it isn't just one bad kid, I swear it seems like a good 80% of the kids I have come into contact with lately are completely insufferable. And as much as I want to kick the kids in the head, I have found myself just getting more incensed with the parents who do absolutely nothing about their shitty little offspring running around ruining everyone else's time. It is like a phenomenon. A social epidemic. There are friends of mine that I won't even hang out with anymore because even though I really enjoy their company, I know that they'll show up with their really bad kid that they will let run wild and ruin my day.
And look, I get it, I'm an unsympathetic kid grinch, I'll take my lumps for that. But I also know that the Mommy and Me set is taking over the world and it has become completely acceptable to refuse to discipline or teach your kids any manners. And if they are under the age of, say, about six years old, you are not only supposed accept them for the insufferable little hellions that they are, but apparently find the little darlings adorable as well.
I'm moving to a retirement community.
The rest of the world, not so much.
I don't care that little Johnny is only 4 years old. It is time for him to start learning some manners. And no, he doesn't get a pass for being an obnoxious little pain in the ass brat just because he's a preschooler and you think I think he's cute.
You see, I'm polite and so I try to go with the flow when your little terror is climbing me like a jungle gym or interrupting my adult conversation with their whiny nonsense. But you, as a parent, aren't being polite by allowing it to happen. I know it is in good form to try with all my might to ignore her and throw out a sheepish grin while Baby Amber rummages through my purse uninvited looking for gum and when she finds my cell phone instead, opens it and slams it shut incessantly while I'm just trying to have peaceful adult conversation with her mother. But it is not in good form for you, as her mother, not to grab her by her grubby little arm and get her away from me.
What ever happened to children are to be seen and not heard?
And seriously, when did five-year olds start running the world??
I don't know how many times in the past couple of weeks I've had some little kid come up to me and start pecking me with their forefinger right in the middle of my stomach to get my attention while I'm mid sentence having a real conversation with an adult. And I really just have to wonder why the parents are just standing there watching while I stop what I am doing to attend to their ill-mannered little varmint, instead of taking this opportunity to explain to Little Emili why it is rude to interrupt adults (or really anyone for that matter) and make sure they don't do it again. I mean, for real people, if Emili is old enough to interrupt me then she's old enough to learn that it is rude and not to do it. And if not now, when?
And another thing, if you don't have the intestinal fortitude and sticktoitiveness to tell a three-year old no and actually mean it and follow through with it, then please, do the universe a favor and don't have any more kids. The world is overpopulated enough as it is. Have you guys ever seen an episode of SuperNanny or Nanny 911 and noticed that these families have vast amounts of children, one being even more out of control and horrific than the next? I mean, when your first kid is too much for you to handle and you feel defeated and tired and hopeless and your marriage is in trouble because your kid is running the house, which part of your brain tells you the best thing you can do in that situation is to have at least three more??
What the fuck, People?!!??
Perhaps because it is summer and the kids are out of school and it is cook out, pool party, social gathering season, I have been spending more and more time around friends', neighbors', acquaintances' children lately. And it isn't just one bad kid, I swear it seems like a good 80% of the kids I have come into contact with lately are completely insufferable. And as much as I want to kick the kids in the head, I have found myself just getting more incensed with the parents who do absolutely nothing about their shitty little offspring running around ruining everyone else's time. It is like a phenomenon. A social epidemic. There are friends of mine that I won't even hang out with anymore because even though I really enjoy their company, I know that they'll show up with their really bad kid that they will let run wild and ruin my day.
And look, I get it, I'm an unsympathetic kid grinch, I'll take my lumps for that. But I also know that the Mommy and Me set is taking over the world and it has become completely acceptable to refuse to discipline or teach your kids any manners. And if they are under the age of, say, about six years old, you are not only supposed accept them for the insufferable little hellions that they are, but apparently find the little darlings adorable as well.
I'm moving to a retirement community.
@ 3:59 PM
3 Comments:
Wow! What a rant! ;-)
I agree with you, though.
I cannot STAND impolite, unruly kids and the parents who allow it to happen.
Count me in on this rant too. Monkey Man is 5, and I would tan his ass if he acted like that.
I hate out of control kids. And some of my friends have kids just like what you described. It's horrible. I don't want them to act like little robots, but at least not to be scaling up my furniture and doing nose dives into my coffee table. That's for the adults to do!
Cat Door's wife told me the other night that Monkey Man was the best-behaved child she knew. And coming from her (total kid-hater), that was like the Holy Grail of compliments. All those beatings are finally paying off.
I get all tingly all over when you pray like that.
The Gospel of HotLipz. Thanks be to Goddess. Amen.
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