Coming Out Of The Closet
I don't know if you selfish bastards have been able to tell or not, but I've been going through some shit lately. Not major shit, but shit nonetheless. I've even found myself getting a little weepy on occasion, but I blame that on all the sad music I've been listening to. But don't worry, I'm working through it. Work through it is my middle name, so my fragile emotional state is in good hands.
So today I'm fresh from a shower and standing in the vast expanse that is my closet and trying to decide just which pair of pinstriped pants I should wear today (the black with green stripes? the black with white stripes? the black with red stripes? the black with tan stripes? the black with blue stripes? the black with yellow stripes? I settled on black with red stripes and a big, huge, red cowl neck sweater for those of you keeping score) and I caught myself spontaneously break out into the porn star dance in the midst of my wardrobe selection. And I thought, Well, things must not be so bad if I can still, totally unprovoked, break out in the naked porn star dance in the middle of the closet. Just me and the music in my head.
Bow Chicky Bow Bow.
So today I'm driving up to the office and I see this man getting out of a Hummer that is parked on the side of the road a few blocks down the street from the office. He stopped as he was getting out of his massive behemoth and craned his neck to stare at me as I drove by. Now, as an attractive chick in an attractive car, I'm quite used to the fellas rubbernecking in my direction, but this was quite different. He was acting suspiciously. Turns out he was my 2 o'clock appointment, and all he did was moan about how broke he is and he can't afford to pay anybody anything. And I thought, Oh yeah, now I see why you had to park your H2 a mile down the road and walk up to the office like you just got off a bus. Nuthin gets by me!
And on that note, let's go to bed.
So today I'm fresh from a shower and standing in the vast expanse that is my closet and trying to decide just which pair of pinstriped pants I should wear today (the black with green stripes? the black with white stripes? the black with red stripes? the black with tan stripes? the black with blue stripes? the black with yellow stripes? I settled on black with red stripes and a big, huge, red cowl neck sweater for those of you keeping score) and I caught myself spontaneously break out into the porn star dance in the midst of my wardrobe selection. And I thought, Well, things must not be so bad if I can still, totally unprovoked, break out in the naked porn star dance in the middle of the closet. Just me and the music in my head.
Bow Chicky Bow Bow.
So today I'm driving up to the office and I see this man getting out of a Hummer that is parked on the side of the road a few blocks down the street from the office. He stopped as he was getting out of his massive behemoth and craned his neck to stare at me as I drove by. Now, as an attractive chick in an attractive car, I'm quite used to the fellas rubbernecking in my direction, but this was quite different. He was acting suspiciously. Turns out he was my 2 o'clock appointment, and all he did was moan about how broke he is and he can't afford to pay anybody anything. And I thought, Oh yeah, now I see why you had to park your H2 a mile down the road and walk up to the office like you just got off a bus. Nuthin gets by me!
And on that note, let's go to bed.
@ 9:57 PM
1 Comments:
That guy in the Hummer is so typical of the type of guy I used to deal with all the time.
I don't know about where you live, but here in Hell we call that "poor-mouthing".
Sorry you've been down. We hotties try to be as supportive as you'll let us. I hope you know that.
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