Qualified Bidders Only
So I just got the call. Boarding school is astronomical. So astronomical that it took my breath away. I'm starting to realize that a one way ticket to Pissy's house is going to be much better for everyone. Especially Pissy. That is of course unless my rich friend Joe wants to break me off a little somethin somethin. Joe usually spares no expense when it comes to the best interest of the animals. So get your checkbook out, big papa.
Speaking of big papa...
I was jamming to my tunes today as I zipped around town running extremely important errands (mani/pedi, bitches) when I heard some lyrics to a song that was on the radio. They went something like this:
I'm going to put my bid in on you
Cause I want you just as bad as they do
And as I heard these lyrics I had a moment of clarity.
Men should be bidding on me.
Not like old skool Ebay style either. Fuck Paypal. I'm talking about bidding with sexual favors and compliments and trips and romance and lavish gifts and puppy boarding school tuition. I'm way too fabulous to be tied down to one man. I need to send Big Daddy on his way and put myself back on the market to be bid upon. It would be like a game show, like American Idol or Survivor, but instead of weekly challenges each guy would try to outdo the next spoiling me. And then at the end, instead of a recording contract or a million dollars, the prize is ME.
Of course I'm fairly certain that when all is said and done, the winner wouldn't end up being 1/10th the man that Big Daddy is. But sometimes it is about the journey and not the destination, you know?
Pure fucking genius, again.
I'm on a roll.
Speaking of big papa...
I was jamming to my tunes today as I zipped around town running extremely important errands (mani/pedi, bitches) when I heard some lyrics to a song that was on the radio. They went something like this:
I'm going to put my bid in on you
Cause I want you just as bad as they do
And as I heard these lyrics I had a moment of clarity.
Men should be bidding on me.
Not like old skool Ebay style either. Fuck Paypal. I'm talking about bidding with sexual favors and compliments and trips and romance and lavish gifts and puppy boarding school tuition. I'm way too fabulous to be tied down to one man. I need to send Big Daddy on his way and put myself back on the market to be bid upon. It would be like a game show, like American Idol or Survivor, but instead of weekly challenges each guy would try to outdo the next spoiling me. And then at the end, instead of a recording contract or a million dollars, the prize is ME.
Of course I'm fairly certain that when all is said and done, the winner wouldn't end up being 1/10th the man that Big Daddy is. But sometimes it is about the journey and not the destination, you know?
Pure fucking genius, again.
I'm on a roll.
@ 6:12 PM
5 Comments:
I'm thinking the "winner" would qualify as a Survivor, all right.
*sigh*Poor Big Daddy.....
p.s. you may send me those adorable puppies only after they've been spayed. I've got Mr Buster's mental health to think of, you know.
I vote: pay them, ship them to Casa De Pissy.
HotLipz -- May I try whatever medication you're taking to make you feel so up?
Yes, puppy boarding school is exorbitant. If I didn't live in a wee efficiency, I'd take one of your pooches. They look so damn cute. But can't you just put a wooden fence with some shrubbery around it in your backyard and let them run around all free and puppy dog happy ... seldom in the house except in bad weather?
And if it gets hot, they get jump in ur pool.
I'd put in a good bid on you, but unfortunately, I don't think your currency and my currency are all that exchangable ...
P.S. It's always about the journey and not the destination.
Oh Arcturus, if only it were that easy. I do have a wooden fence, they have found 900 ways to escape out of it, but in the five minutes between when I put them outside in the fence and they find an escape route they screech and yap and make a god awful noise that I am scared the neighbors will snap one day and come over here and turn a shot gun on me if they have to listen to my bad puppies screeching for one more second. And don't even get me started about the pooping all over the pool deck.
How much are we talkin'?
About the puppies, I mean.
I am not quite ready to begin bidding on women just yet. Give me another few days to get the swing of this being single thing.
Puppies are a lot of work. After my one and only puppy experience years ago, I have only adopted adult dogs. They need love, too... plus they come trained, right out of the box.
Puppies are cute as hell, but not worth the hassle.
Kinda like children.
Did I just say that?
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