Yo Hotties
Stacey is furiously working on a new blog design for us so we don't have to suffer the mediocrity of this standard blog template much longer. We deserve so much better than this.
I decided to mourn the end of the summer by cramming in as many summertime activities as possible between now and Labor Day.
Yesterdays' summertime activity: a water park.
For reals. Nothing says summer like long lines, water slides, concession stands and soggy-diapered babies running amuck.
It might surprise you to learn that although I am a water lover, water parks don't rate high on my list of loved water.
But yesterday I had fun. I frolicked among the common folk and got a colonic from the water slides. It was all gravy baby until I saw a dirty, used band aid floating around in the water. That was all she wrote. Hot Lips hightailed it on out of there. I've never quite felt so dirty. Then on the way out I saw a rather obese woman in a Corona bikini and I knew I had made the right decision.
Then on the way home as I was zooming down the interstate and 34307 miles an hour, I passed a Maxima with a cell phone on the roof. How in the world that thing was still just casually hanging out on the roof of the car going for a leisurely Sunday drive at 70 miles an hour I do not know. But I'm sure Arcturus will give us the scientific formula for the air stream of Nissans vs. centrifugal resistance of interstate wind volume.
So I slow down and roll down my window and start waving my arm like a mad woman and shouting YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!!! YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!!! Everyone in the car, and I swear, I'm pretty sure they had just left church and were on their way to a church picnic or something, just turns and looks at me with the biggest, blankest, wide-eyed stare. Then I realize that they can't hear a word I'm saying. Even if he were to roll his window down, he still wouldn't be able to make out what the crazed loo loo in the Jeep was trying to yell out to him while racking up all sorts of speed limit infractions. So the little light bulb goes off over my head and I start doing sign language. I bet you didn't know I knew sign language, did ya?
Well, I do.
So I'm steering my SUV with my knee while holding up the universal sign for "call me" with my thumb and pinkie stretching from my ear to my mouth, while my left hand is simultaneously beating on the roof of my own car and mouthing YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!
Everyone in the car was still giving me that dumbfounded blank stare, but eventually Mr. Maxima pulled off onto the shoulder. Although I'm pretty sure it was just to get away from me than it was because he finally deciphered what I was saying and was going to retrieve his phone.
Nobody does crazed lunatic zipping down the highway quite like me!
I decided to mourn the end of the summer by cramming in as many summertime activities as possible between now and Labor Day.
Yesterdays' summertime activity: a water park.
For reals. Nothing says summer like long lines, water slides, concession stands and soggy-diapered babies running amuck.
It might surprise you to learn that although I am a water lover, water parks don't rate high on my list of loved water.
But yesterday I had fun. I frolicked among the common folk and got a colonic from the water slides. It was all gravy baby until I saw a dirty, used band aid floating around in the water. That was all she wrote. Hot Lips hightailed it on out of there. I've never quite felt so dirty. Then on the way out I saw a rather obese woman in a Corona bikini and I knew I had made the right decision.
Then on the way home as I was zooming down the interstate and 34307 miles an hour, I passed a Maxima with a cell phone on the roof. How in the world that thing was still just casually hanging out on the roof of the car going for a leisurely Sunday drive at 70 miles an hour I do not know. But I'm sure Arcturus will give us the scientific formula for the air stream of Nissans vs. centrifugal resistance of interstate wind volume.
So I slow down and roll down my window and start waving my arm like a mad woman and shouting YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!!! YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!!! Everyone in the car, and I swear, I'm pretty sure they had just left church and were on their way to a church picnic or something, just turns and looks at me with the biggest, blankest, wide-eyed stare. Then I realize that they can't hear a word I'm saying. Even if he were to roll his window down, he still wouldn't be able to make out what the crazed loo loo in the Jeep was trying to yell out to him while racking up all sorts of speed limit infractions. So the little light bulb goes off over my head and I start doing sign language. I bet you didn't know I knew sign language, did ya?
Well, I do.
So I'm steering my SUV with my knee while holding up the universal sign for "call me" with my thumb and pinkie stretching from my ear to my mouth, while my left hand is simultaneously beating on the roof of my own car and mouthing YOUR.CELL.PHONE.IS.ON.THE.ROOF!
Everyone in the car was still giving me that dumbfounded blank stare, but eventually Mr. Maxima pulled off onto the shoulder. Although I'm pretty sure it was just to get away from me than it was because he finally deciphered what I was saying and was going to retrieve his phone.
Nobody does crazed lunatic zipping down the highway quite like me!
@ 2:22 PM
10 Comments:
Please explain to me why you would go to a water park when you have a beautiful pool right there at Hot Lips Village?
Was it just to mingle with the common folk?
Used bandaids and all?
Your a beautiful woman, HotLipz. But I am a bit saddened to think that "this standard blog template" -- the one I use -- displays such "mediocrity." :-(
I hate when that happens ... I think something is great until something totally grosses me out. I'll stick with the ocean. Even if everybody on the beach pee'd in the sea, well, the ocean is well-mixed and the concentration is waaaaaaaaaaaaay little.
What does HotLipz frolicking look like.
Re. your interstate gymnastics, you really want to be a bit more careful, your neighborly instincts notwithstanding. My summer internship actually involves 'preventing highway fatalities' at a federal agency. Driver distractions ... #1 cause of accidents. And SUVs...
As for your Newtonian physics dig, well, if indeed that cell phone was unattached on the car roof, and somehow wasn't immediately blown off, we conclude ...
... the cell phone was small enough and low enuf relative to the car roof to allow the air rushing around the car as it accelerated to 70MPH to pass far enuf above the object so that it wasn't experiencing anyway near that much force against it.
And once smoothly accelerated to its cruising speed (velocity), with little change, the force acting on it was pretty small ... Force (F) = mass (m) x acceleration (a) darlin', and a ~0 at that point ...
small enuf that the coefficient of friction between the car roof and the cell phone wasn't was great enuf to keep the thing from sliding backwards due to the F.
IRONICALLY, by you making them swerve all over the interstate and pull over to the side probably increased F (since a was changing wildly), not to mention all the directional shear, probably caused the phone to fall off ... and be instantly crushed by another 2-ton SUV with Virginia tags and a "I LOVE GEORGE W. BUSH" bumper sticker ... thus producing the exact opposite effect you intended.
I mean the coefficient of friction was great enough. And there shoulda been a ? after the frolicking sentence.
Oh Pissy, a water park is so much more than the cement pond at Hot Lips Village. Sheesh woman.
Arcturus, your blog is just fine. You have lots of font changes and pics, it is lovely, simmer down. I knew you would come through with some sort of cell phone on roof physics equation.
I have a headache from reading arcturus' comment.
I don't do numbers.
Thanks, HotLipz, I can always count on you for needed affirmation!!
:-)
I'm thinkin', though, there was sumptin' more to your blog wipe out and its reconstruction from scratch.
As near as I can tell, Hot Lips (or now HotLipz -- I like that one better), isn't the kind of gal who would surrender all meek and mild to some weird computer-related glitch that wiped out a year and more of efforts.
Everything is ultimately recoverable ... everyone ultimately salvagable, unless it falls into a black hole, in which case information truly cannot be retrieved.
Well, whatever the case, you need to get pictures back up, esp. of the puppies and your pool and that big, fat dude standing next to a gal that wasn't you.
(As an aside, if she were about 25 years older, and a lot more haggard looking, and singing karaoke half drunk in a bar, my 65-year old dad would be all over her trying to date her.)
Acturus IS a talker... ;)
By the way, you could have at LEAST gone for a CUTE standard template... like the pink one?!
Regarding the trip to the waterpark...
Dare I say, Hot Lips,
"That's so ghetto?"
Nay, I do not dare say it.
I do not.
Joe, it wasn't really as much ghetto as it was trailer park.
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